Being assertive is a learned skill. In this guide, we’ll help you learn how to confidently express your needs and wants in the world without being aggressive or passive-aggressive.
Stand Up For Yourself
Standing up for yourself means that you’re looking out for your well-being and bettering your mental health. If you wanna stand up for yourself you need to have enough self confidence. It is important and makes a huge difference and helps you easily confront any issue. Standing up for yourself also means learning to saw no and clearly setting your boundaries among people you don’t feel comfortable with rather than being a people pleaser.
For some people, standing up for themselves can be harder than most people. One of the many reasons for this is because of your upbringing. The kind of environment you had growing up really shapes the basic nature that you posses as you get older. Often, people who struggle to stand up for themselves see even the slightest friction as conflicts. Don’t be afraid to make a fuss and ask for what you want, or say no if you can’t do something!
Stop Apologizing
Apologizing is a sign of weakness and shows that you are powerless over the circumstance. Instead of apologising for being upset, be assertive and let the other know how they made you feel. If you apologize too much, it can make people think less of you because they will think that their opinion matters more than yours does. This can cause more apologies! When someone says something about what to do next on your project, don’t apologize for making mistakes or having confusion; just move forward as best as possible with confidence!
Ask For What You Need
Once you’ve mastered the art of asking for what you need, it’s time to start asking for what you want. The first step is recognizing that it’s OK to ask, no matter how big or small your request. If all goes well, after some initial awkwardness, people will be more than happy to help out when asked.
You can also use this skill in situations where someone else needs something from you—such as asking for help with something that may not interest them but matters to you deeply or even just asking them how they are doing and letting them know that they can come talk if they ever need anything.
Asking for things other people generally don’t like talking about is often associated with negative feelings such as guilt or shame; however if we practice being assertive in these situations by simply expressing our feelings honestly without expecting any kind of response from others then we’ll find ourselves feeling better about ourselves overall too!
Accept Compliments And Reject Insults
In a world where we’re constantly told to be humble and nice, it can be hard to figure out when it’s time to stand up for yourself or tell someone off. New York Times bestselling author Susan Cain says the phrase “assertive” has negative connotations in our society:
“It’s associated with being pushy, aggressive or rude.”
But she stresses that assertiveness isn’t about being loud or aggressive; rather, it’s about speaking up for yourself when you need to—and knowing when it’s appropriate to do so: “There is a big difference between being assertive and simply not being passive,” she says.
Learn To Prioritize Your Needs And Wants
Learn to say no: remember there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no to things that don’t matter. If you’re in an environment that doesn’t make you feel comfortable, saying no can actually be beneficial for you and help you boost your self-esteem and self-worth.
Ask for what you want: if you allow yourself to become a pushover, it is going to be easy for people to mess with your self-esteem because then they will have a power on you to criticize your opinions or acts. Never be afraid to ask for what you want because you deserve it. If it’s something that pleases you or gives you peace and a sense of security then it is the right thing for you.
Value your own opinions and ideas, even if they differ from other people’s
Never let anyone make you feel as though you must agree with them. Don’t let a friend, coworker, or significant other to control your thoughts and behavior if they are trying to influence you. Don’t be afraid of sticking up for yourself.
Never assume that someone is always right just because they have more experience than you. Many times they are wrong! People who are older and more experienced may have forgotten what it was like when they were younger, making them less likely than someone their own age to comprehend what is going on in the younger generation’s mind.
You may find yourself disagreeing with most people at times–and it’s probably not because these people are stupid, but rather because your opinions differ from theirs. You can still value their opinions as well; just make sure that whatever opinion is shared with them comes from both sides equally rather than focusing solely on one side of things (i.e., how much do I care about being assertive vs how much does he care about being assertive?).
Don’t Dwell On Negative Thoughts Or Obsess Over Perceived Failures
You cannot be a better version of yourself if you are constantly thinking about the negative things in your life. Don’t dwell on your perceived failures, or get caught up in self-doubt and anxiety about what other people think of you. Instead, focus on the things that make you happy and help you grow as a person. It’s OK to make mistakes—you won’t always be perfect!
Trust in the idea that you’re an OK person. It will help you stand up for yourself
Trust, in this context, means trust that you’re an OK person. It’s easy to feel like our self-worth is determined by how others treat us. If a friend makes a joke at your expense and everyone else laughs, you might think: “Maybe I really am a loser.” If a colleague says something hurtful about your work, you might wonder: “Are they right? Am I just not very good at my job?”
When we expect other people to determine our worth, it’s hard for us to say no when someone asks us for help—even when we don’t want to help them. We might feel like if we say no too often or stand up for ourselves too much then other people won’t like us anymore and will abandon us altogether (or worse). So instead of standing up for ourselves directly when someone is treating us badly or asking too much of us, we let them get away with it because we don’t want conflict.
But here’s the thing: You are not defined by what other people think about you; their opinions are irrelevant! You are valuable because YOU ARE VALUABLE! So stop letting others walk all over you! Stop letting others intimidate or make fun of or belittle YOU! And most importantly stop making yourself feel bad about yourself based on what ANYONE ELSE THINKS OF YOU!!!
You Can Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive
If you want to be more assertive, it can be helpful to know what being assertive is not. Being assertive does not mean:
- Aggressive. Aggression involves threats and displays of anger that intimidate others into giving in to your demands. It’s the opposite of being humble and loving toward others, which is essential for good relationships with friends, family members and coworkers.
- Passive. Passive people are pushovers who don’t speak up for themselves when they need something from someone else, so they’re often taken advantage of by others or always feel confused about why things happen the way they do at work or with friends..
- Pushover/wimp/doormat/loser (all synonyms). These words describe people who avoid conflict at all costs because they fear losing face if their opinion differs from others’. The result? They end up feeling insecure because no one cares about what they think or want; instead everyone just walks all over them!
You can be assertive without being aggressive, and it’s OK if you have to practice. Having the courage to stand up for yourself is an important part of being a confident person, and it’s something we should all work on throughout our lives.
RUCHI RATHOR Founder & CEO
Payomatix Technologies Pvt. Ltd.
FOUNDER AND INVESTOR | PAYMENTS PROCESSING EXPERT | MERCHANT ACCOUNT SOLUTIONS | WHITE LABELLED PAYMENT GATEWAY | Dreamer, Creator, Achiever, Constantly Evolving
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